its scary. not because I’ve been hurt alot in the past but because i know if i ever lost him it would hurt exponentially more than any time before.
also trying to drink at least a gallon of water a day.
i should stop saying i don’t have time to read
i should read more books and less of my twitter feed.
it comes like a tsunami
a tidal wave to wreck the city in my heart
I’ve been building levees to let the failure wash back out
the shame leaves stains in me
more permanent than that of purple beets
pupils dialate and i can’t seem to meet
the worst part about depression that’s on again off again is that you can never tell if you’re making progress and actually feeling better or if you just had a couple of good days and the second something goes wrong you’ll be right back where you started.
whatever you do,
never let my parents plan my funeral.
they’ll try to put me in box because that’s the way their narrow minds work.
i don’t want to be buried.
i don’t want my body rotting for centuries inside mahogany.
please no embalming fluid no formaldehyde.
put me on a boat set me on fire send me afloat let the air and sea take me back into their hearts as quickly as my body burns.
i just don’t want you to start thinking i suck… i know you’re gonna start thinking i suck here soon… and there’s nothing i can do about it…
i hear we have oil buried beneath our nature reserves
that Americas just waiting for the other countries to run out first
and i hear that
the cure for cancer is in the pockets of the rich
and the nsa is watching our every little twitch
i hear soldiers are dying so
other countries will hear America roar
while the top one percent
beat their chests
i hear they give tests
to first graders to figure out who will be in prison in the next fifteen years
i hear kids growing up in ghettos joining gangs cuz they’re growing up to the echos of you’re never gonna amount to nothing cuz they’re futures were stolen from them by their own damn government i hear Thomas pain on refrain you first create thieves then punish em. i hear upper class white people believe everything they hear on the news and have trouble seeing the underdogs point of view even tho i know the difference between them is one hot meal and a good education i hear the buzz of the media in the background of every room i enter and social networking isn’t any better who needs brainwashing when you have the power of distraction go ahead steal from us noones paying attention.
my bfs brother killed himself on my birthday… last year before i ever met him…im not sure what this means?
i feel like there’s some significance to it tho…
this stuff always does mean something.
i may be unemployed but i have more money in the bank than you’ve ever had in your pocket.
im not desperate for a job. i wont be settling for something i dont want to do just cuz its a job. im taking my time and achieving things my way.
i miss you like Alaska misses the sunset, and its hardly even been twelve hours.
i could crawl into your arms like a lost puppy. sleep in your heat. bathe in the scent of you, wrap it around me like dirty t shirt the one i won’t take off all day after you’ve worn it
it feels nice to forgive someone. i feel so large inside. so much bigger than anyone else. like i could fit all your reasons inside me. and mine too. like i can understand true empathy.