i should stop saying i don’t have time to read
i should read more books and less of my twitter feed.
it comes like a tsunami
a tidal wave to wreck the city in my heart
I’ve been building levees to let the failure wash back out
the shame leaves stains in me
more permanent than that of purple beets
pupils dialate and i can’t seem to meet
the worst part about depression that’s on again off again is that you can never tell if you’re making progress and actually feeling better or if you just had a couple of good days and the second something goes wrong you’ll be right back where you started.
whatever you do,
never let my parents plan my funeral.
they’ll try to put me in box because that’s the way their narrow minds work.
i don’t want to be buried.
i don’t want my body rotting for centuries inside mahogany.
please no embalming fluid no formaldehyde.
put me on a boat set me on fire send me afloat let the air and sea take me back into their hearts as quickly as my body burns.
i just don’t want you to start thinking i suck… i know you’re gonna start thinking i suck here soon… and there’s nothing i can do about it…
i hear we have oil buried beneath our nature reserves
that Americas just waiting for the other countries to run out first
and i hear that
the cure for cancer is in the pockets of the rich
and the nsa is watching our every little twitch
i hear soldiers are dying so
other countries will hear America roar
while the top one percent
beat their chests
i hear they give tests
to first graders to figure out who will be in prison in the next fifteen years
i hear kids growing up in ghettos joining gangs cuz they’re growing up to the echos of you’re never gonna amount to nothing cuz they’re futures were stolen from them by their own damn government i hear Thomas pain on refrain you first create thieves then punish em. i hear upper class white people believe everything they hear on the news and have trouble seeing the underdogs point of view even tho i know the difference between them is one hot meal and a good education i hear the buzz of the media in the background of every room i enter and social networking isn’t any better who needs brainwashing when you have the power of distraction go ahead steal from us noones paying attention.
my bfs brother killed himself on my birthday… last year before i ever met him…im not sure what this means?
i feel like there’s some significance to it tho…
this stuff always does mean something.
i may be unemployed but i have more money in the bank than you’ve ever had in your pocket.
im not desperate for a job. i wont be settling for something i dont want to do just cuz its a job. im taking my time and achieving things my way.
i miss you like Alaska misses the sunset, and its hardly even been twelve hours.
i could crawl into your arms like a lost puppy. sleep in your heat. bathe in the scent of you, wrap it around me like dirty t shirt the one i won’t take off all day after you’ve worn it
it feels nice to forgive someone. i feel so large inside. so much bigger than anyone else. like i could fit all your reasons inside me. and mine too. like i can understand true empathy.
i believe in everything and nothing at the same time. possibilities are endless but everythings impossible. a universe so vast and so contained inside one brain. infinite is possible but you could never reach that far. how can you believe in something you’ve never seen. its not at my fingertips it don’t concern me. its beautiful but i never could climb the highest tree. content to observe the fallen leaves. some people have shooting stars sewn into their dreams, they dare to pocket impossible things. this atmosphere has plenty air and im always tripping on my shoelaces. could never step but stumble places. never had time to pick up my feet. father times a dirty rotten cheat.
im not sure where realities lies. only believe whats before my very eyes. of course i theorise but hypothesis aren’t proven at the same time. an open mind and a harsh eye. learn to read between the lines.
it doesn’t get dark at night in the summer like it does in the winter. like all the color drains from the world and black sinks into the creases of everything. in the morning its fluorescent like a thousand hundred watt bulbs pointed in your face. its a hospital room and everything is dying. possibilities don’t seem as endless in a bleached out world. where nights are dark as desert nights but not nearly as blue. but i can feel the breath of sunshine trickling down my spine. i can taste the Indian summer sweet cinnamon in musty air. and June is always just around the corner. keep turning til i find my way.
my body isnt used to seratonin levels so high
its heightened like 20,000 feet
above the worlds highest peak
adrenaline like sky diving
or drunk driving
i feel like im caught inside a kaleidascope
never had this much hope
never saw things so beautiful
europhoria invades my brain, makes it hard to think straight
concentrate on rhymes and rhythm
when all i can fathom
is your voice is the best alarm clock i’ve ever had
and your heartbeat sings me to sleep
your breathing is better than a sound machine, and being with you is better than counting sheep.
in your arms i can pass hours like minutes, or minutes like hours
you’re talking to someone who writes down her feelings for pleasure
most of my life i’ve been a slave to time
always waiting for some internal rhyme
to change the rhythm, make it something i can dance too
this is something i want to share with you
you turn me on like the dial on an old fashioned radio
stir me up like a tornado,
baby you make me want to twist
to linger sweet in the air like apples and rubbing alcohol
like new years eve, and the first time i ever had someone to take care of me
i don’t want presents, i don’t care how much money you make, im not looking for compensation
just that sensation
that feeling of being safe in your arms
out of the way of all harms
no burglars no car alarms
and i knew i wasn’t letting go
not for all the coal you could press into diamonds
not for all the thugs i could mold into gentlemen
because baby you’re like an opal
set in gold leaf
your iradescent like gasoline
and when you meet with my flame we might just get hot enough to burn this whole town down
but for right now i just want to think about your smile
to stop for awhile
and wonder what you’re thinking
what lies behind the twinkling eyes
because nothing makes me warm up inside like when you flash me a mischievious glance
and i want to take every chance i have to make you happy.
its the least i can do after all you do for me.
I’ve never been this happy